光阴似箭，日月如梭

Message Alex G. one take Jake XD.

It's my 20th birthday today.

i don't know. I came on here to perhaps talk about something meaningful and heartfelt about growing up but to be Honest i don't really enjoy (my) birthdays at all. Two days ago my grandma told me the Chinese idiom, "光阴似箭，日月如梭", meaning "time passes like an arrow, the sun and moon move back and forth like a weaving shuttle." She often talks about or recounts times when we were babies. it makes me sad to think about the fact that she doesn't Know me and i don't know her. We know each other but we don't. Even past a bit of a language barrier, she will never understand me and i will never understand her. anyway. This idiom scares me because i am very afraid of it going too quickly. Which i think has a beautiful irony to it for me because there was a time where I was absolutely not concerned with the rapidity of my life, rather the presence of it all together. LOL. Well now I'm 20 today and it's getting a little bit of a serious number and every year i go "i had not planned for this! What now!" and then i just keep going despite having no answers to anything and i keep going despite still not having formed feasible dreams or aspirations. I say it's whatever man but it's kind of Ever man.

I recently found and read a letter to my future self from when i was 15 that we were required to write in high-school. I had so many questions for me... most of which i am still asking. I know it's cliche but I feel kind of sad for Her because i have always expected myself to have figured things out and i look back and have to tell her that I haven't quite yet and i'm sorry that it is going to take more time. I think i'm going to wait until further into the year to write my yearly letter to my 2035 self because i want to leave time for better character development. you Understand. Ten more years until I can open them all the day after my 30th birthday. Not sure why 13 year old me chose 30. felt like a significant number at the time i guess.

I am not a singer nor a guitarist but felt Message to be very important for me in my teenage-hood and relevant to my feelings about my birthday. So i hope it's okay to break out the novice song or two every now and then at least for the sake of bitter-sweetness.